Opal Siren

My life in dreams

When you are in your thirties and childless….


My husband and I are used to the old questions “Do you guys have any children?” “When are you going to have any children?” “Why are you waiting?”

I mean, I can tell you that we have been married for six years as of 3-14-14, and we have heard these questions thousands of times. We would be millionaires if we collected a dollar each of the times the subject has come up.

It seems that the questions have gotten even more intense at work and even more frequent now that we are in our thirties. Every day I get grilled and told: “You need to have a baby, soon!”

My husband is turning 30 this year and the thought has come about a few times. We do want to add children to our family, but the truth is we are happy the way we are. We have been married a while, but during that time he has been deployed several times and he was 23 when we got married…23!!!  I was 26 when we got married but not more mature than he was, and I knew that. I did not want my husband’s Navy career to suffer by getting pregnant too early and without him being able to be present.

The other reason why we have waited sooo long to add to our family, is simply that we are a family period. We are not creating a family, we already are a family unit and are quite happy and satisfied. We both work, contribute to our home, have a wonderful dog that we tend to and do what we like each day. We feel happy and complete. We do not feel the need to”create a family”. We are each others best friends and partners. We would like to add to our family at some point because we want to, not because of a dire need to have a family. Also, it will happen when we both feel comfortable and when his career dictates.

I know it sounds awful that my husband’s career has to dictate our lives, and recently I had issues with this myself, but this is the reality we are both living in and I accept it. My husband is in the service, we both committed to this lifestyle and we both knew the consequences of being a military family. There are somethings he does not have a choice in and I have had to push back a lot of my own ambitions and dreams. That is what love and sacrifice is. When you truly love someone, sometimes there are things that you have to put aside or even push back. That is the biggest lesson I have learned in the past few months.

I will also say that I did not want my very young sailor husband to be a father, because I wanted him to have a fulfilling career. I wanted him to conquer his dreams. We were also not ready when we got married. Now we are ready but we are content and still not sure where the Navy is going to be moving us. I live in a military town and I see the tears in the children’s eyes when their fathers or mothers  have to leave on long deployments. I did not want to see those tears in my children’s eyes. That is why we are waiting as long as we can to have children. We will wait as close to his retirement as possible, if we have to, in order to avoid unnecessary stress and anguish on myself and our future offspring.

And so, although it is hard to see other couples with their children, we are often not invited to things because we do not have children, get strange looks because we are childless in our thirties, we know what is best for our family. All things happen when they are meant to happen 🙂

Happy Reading!!!!

 

Advertisements
Leave a comment »

What to be for Halloween?…How About a Chief’s Wife?


My husband has been promoted to Chief Petty Officer. I am so extremely proud of him. He has worked so hard to get this promotion and it has been an incredible journey. It has been bitter-sweet for us though, with the passing of my mother-in-law and the difficult year we both have had. Nevertheless, I know he will be an amazing leader, mentor and support to all of his sailors.

When I met my husband, he was barely an MM3 (Machinist Mate Third Class). I remember studying with him and making sure he got all the qualifications needed to make sure he made it to the next grade. I also remember running to the cleaners to pick up his Navy Uniform. You know, the one that looks like this:

10658001_3

Well, he no longer wears that uniform. He now wears something like this:

Uniform_CPO_8

I felt sad, for about two minutes, when my husband informed me he no longer would be able to wear the sailor’s uniform, but it made me happy that he feels accomplished. What I was not expecting are all the activities we have to engage in and all the fund-raising we have to do. My husband and I have kept a : “work and family separate” rule, but now that he is a Chief I am also expected to engage, take part and be of support to other Navy families. Wow…so much responsibility and so little time! I think I am the one that needs the support! 🙂

Feels kind of weird being the wife of a chief, but I am sure it feels just as weird for my husband; being the he is the one that has to lead and not the one that has to follow….Well, he was not that much of a follower anyway! 🙂

Happy Reading!!!! Happy Halloween!!!!

Images courtesy of Google search/Google Images.

1 Comment »

Random Questions and Answers


It has been a while since I have done a question and answer post. So here it goes folks!!!

1. How long have you and your husband been married?

5 years in March.

2. Why don’t you have any children yet?

My husband and I have had the “B” discussion many times. Basically it comes down to time and money. We are not ready. Maybe next year or the following.

3. Are you worried that you are getting too old to have children?

Yes and no. I know that the older women get, the higher the risks of having a child. But I really need to do this on my own terms and when my husband and I are ready. It seems very silly to me to have a child for the sake of having one. We are prepared and accepting of the idea of not having any children as well. We are very happy with our lives and have no regrets. If God wants to bless us with children in the future, then it will happen.

4. What does your husband think of your blog? Does he read them?

My husband loves that I blog. It is a creative form of expression for me and it makes me happy. He does read my blog weekly and often suggests that I write about him..HAHAHAH….It is true! He is funny that way 🙂

5. How do you like being a military spouse thus far?

Being a military spouse has its pros and cons. It is not a lifestyle for everyone. There is a lot of moving around and feeling dislocated. There is also a lot of time being away from family. I have had my share of ups and downs with the process and the lifestyle. I do work full-time in a non-military/government capacity, so there is some escape from the lifestyle. We also live a bit far from the military base, so it does give my husband and I the space we need to cope. It can be stressful to live where you work. Having said that, my husband and I are very honored to live this lifestyle and it is an honor to be married to someone in the U.S. Navy. He truly enjoys his career with the Navy and this is his calling. I support him one hundred percent and he supports me too with all of my crazy ideas. Even though it is a daily challenge to be a military spouse, I feel blessed and happy with our lives.

6. What are you doing tomorrow?

Having lunch with a friend and then watching the SAG Awards. I will be looking forward to all the pretty dresses on the red carpet.

 

Happy Reading!!!

 

Leave a comment »

The “Real” Housewife of the Navy


I am a U.S. Navy housewife. Sometimes I ponder, “How on earth that I get here?” I went to college, had a job in the financial services industry and had my place by the beach. Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband and I have gotten used to my life and my husband’s career. I would not trade it for anything !!!!  I knew the advantages and disadvantages of being a military spouse. I know there are many other bloggers that are in the same circumstance as I am. For those of you that do not know, it is a big sacrifice for spouses and partners as well. It is an honor to support my husband in his career. However, there are times where I do not look forward to the Navy protocol or way of life.

Let’s start with the constant moving every three years or so. There are times when you know exactly where you are going, and then there are times where orders get screwed up.  You may wind up in the state you knew you were going to, but not the city. Sometimes you can wind up in another state completely and all plans have to be re-done. I do like moving, I just don’t like the last-minute changes and the actual packing and unpacking 🙂

Let me not forget the dreaded deployment that most service men and women must undertake. For the Navy wife this could mean 6 months to 1 year of not seeing your spouse. You may or may not be near relatives, as he or she may be stationed in a state that is not familiar to you. You will need  the strength of Hercules, the emotions of a crocodile and the determination of a lion to survive alone. You will have to get out there and meet new friends, attend doctors’ appointments alone, tend to the children and manage the household all by your self. There are times when no one will be around to lend you a hand, and there will be times when you will not be in contact with your spouse. Therefore, you have to be creative, resilient and very independent.

Then there is the employment search. Military spouses have a far more greater challenge that just finding a job, it is also finding a career that can move with you. There are companies out there that have sites in other states and they may grant you a transfer. However, these days you would need to apply for another position in another state, and pray that you get chosen so that you can remain with the same company. If the company you are with does not operate in other states, then each time you move you will need to apply to a different place of employment. Therefore, some of us have to take a job that is not too serious or with too much commitment, as we know we are destined to be leaving sooner than later. It is important that we do our research and not just choose a job for the sake of having a job in this economy; we also need to ensure that the job is military spouse friendly. What does that mean?

1. The company must be reasonable and understand that if your spouse has orders to transfer to another state, they must allow you to resign and dismiss any contracts you may have with such company.

2. If you are the one with orders, the company must ensure that while you are away serving our country, they must have a position for you when you get back from your duties.

3. Military friendly companies hire military spouses and such, to use them as temps and temp to hire. This way they do not have to pay a temp agency to find them employees. Instead, they can hire military spouses without having to pay huge finders fees and still used them as temps. It is Win Win for all !!!

4. The company has a contract with a department of the military to provide services, and as such it provides jobs to military members and their families.

There are many other meanings of what a military friendly company is and what it provides, but I wanted to give you an overview. 

So besides the constant moving, the constant job search and the possibility that your husband may get deployed, there is the DRAMA. Yes! There is a lot of drama when your life revolves around the military. Not the kind that you act out in plays and motion pictures, but the kind that is REAL. There is my least favorite of all: family drama. Then there is money drama, spouse drama and many others. This can take a heavy toll emotionally, financially and health wise to any person. Family drama is the worse for me because is the one that I have been dealing with for the past three years, and it is the one that takes an emotional toll on a person. If you are emotionally drained and exhausted, it makes it more difficult for you to be able to cope with the loneliness, the hardships, and the day-to-day issues that arise in your household; especially if you are living in a military household. It took me a while to get over how many  people simply do not understand what it takes to be in the military, yet alone a spouse to someone serving our country. If there is one thing that has always helped me is patience. If you are a military spouse you will need a lot of PATIENCE to deal with family members, your own family and the world. People simply don’t get it and they are only used to what they watch on T.V., or the stories grandpa tells them from WWII. The reality is that I did not even know all the details of what it takes to be a military spouse until I became a Navy wife.

On a side note, this is my last year in PA. We get to choose our next location soon. It is a temporary location, as the Navy may change these orders and we actually won’t know for sure until we are packing those tan/brown moving boxes again! My husband will be preparing to go on a deployment. Time to start preparing for this difficult time.

This post is dedicated to all the military spouses out there. May God bless us all!!!! 

 

As always please subscribe to my blog if you like what you are reading, and comments are welcome!!!

Happy Reading!!!

 

5 Comments »