Opal Siren

My life in dreams

A Salute To Old Friends

One of the reasons I joined Facebook a few years ago, was to get re-acquainted with some family members and old friends. I lived in the Dominican Republic for several years prior to moving to The States. I attended an all-girls Catholic school from the first to the tenth grade. It was a nightmare, but there were some innocent and fun childhood memories that I lived in this particular school as well. Some of the people I knew from that school were like sisters to me. I was happy to have found many of them on this social networking site, and I am happy that I am continuing to find many more. I have been enjoying the old pictures, the stories, the memories of old teachers, ghosts in the hallways, the nuns, and the strictness of it all.

I even became friends with one of the school’s  bully. Yes! I went there for the sake of moving on. She was a terror and made my high school years there not very pleasant. I was not the nicest person either and had many issues. Like most teenagers, I wanted to be in my bedroom at all times and not be bothered. I had a serious attitude problem, but was quiet and reserved. I pretty much stayed to myself and did my home work everyday. I never did drugs or attended late night parties. For the most part, I was a really good kid!

As I become friends with these ladies again, some I still like, some have not changed, and some are very different people now. It is odd to see them again with mature, experienced eyes. I no longer feel threatened, judged, or even the need to fit in. Hey, lets face it, I can always unfriend or block them if any of them become a nuisance. As I observe more and more the behavior and the lives of some of these ladies, I take a deep breath of relief that I have grown so much as a person and that they have grown as well. I feel like the new me is a better version of myself. Although those memories from the past are delightful and painful at times, I would not want to go back. The truth is I was terrified of most of these people in school. I stayed to myself most of the time for the fear of being judged or put down. They did it either way and I am sure I did my share of damage too. But thanks to those times and those experiences, I corrected my own bad habits and have been able to move forward for the better.

Accountability. I think that is the lesson I have learned the most from my old friends. Many of the “issues” I had were created by me and I take full responsibility for them. I am glad to say, again, that I am a better person and I am not afraid to confront my own demons head on.  I just wish some of these ladies would get to know the me of  TODAY. I mean I do enjoy the old stories and the embarrassing moments I had, or even recollections of my attitude problems. But, I am not that 15-year-old girl anymore. Many of my past behaviors were due to situations that were not in my control, and due to decisions made by those that had control of me. But now I am in control. I am a woman who is turning 31 very soon. I still have no clue what I want in life, but I am a WOMAN.

Nevertheless, It is amusing to read about some of our embarrassing moments and our issues in those days. It is also nice to see that some are doing very well in life, but for the most part I feel equal to them. I do not feel the urge to fit in, or try to compete, or jealous in any way. I don’t feel like I have to pretend that I am better or worse. I am just me. I am still working day-to-day to become better and to have focus, and that is all I need to worry about right now.

So I thank my old friends for the me that I am now, and the experiences that have pushed me to be who I am today. Thank God that part of my life is over!!! 🙂

How do you feel about your old high school days???

Happy Reading!!! 

Leave a comment »

Confessions of an emotional hoarder

In a few days we will be packing our entire lives and moving to VA. It has been a very tumultuous ride living here as well as moving. We spent the first three and a half years of marriage here in PA, as well as so many ups and downs with both of our families. In a way, we are both looking forward to this move, although not so excited about the location.

The hardest part about this moving process was packing. I could not believe the amount of possessions both of us had accumulated over three and a half years. Most of our wedding gifts were neatly stacked in our closets, still unopened, staring at us.

This entire packing process has taken over a week to do and we live in a two bedroom, small apartment, with one bathroom may I add. I normally try to do a yearly clean out, where I take out any clothes we no longer use and I donate them to Good Will. This time however, the Good Will center by me was and is closed. The many possessions we no longer needed were placed in a corner until we decided what to do with them. For the remainder of the time, we continued to throw out bag after bag of trash. I was in awe at the amount of things I was holding on to.

One of the most difficult things throughout the packing/cleaning process was going through the pictures, mementos, achievement awards and dolls I had. Yeap, you read me correctly. At the proud age of 30, I had many, many, many dolls, teddy bears and other toys that we had to sort through.

Many of my childhood toys I had donated on a visit to the Dominican Republic a few years back. However, most of the toys I had recently, were collectables and gifts from those that know my fascination with dolls. We shall talk about this in another blog.

Anyway, some of the pictures were not good and I should had gotten rid of them long ago, like ex-boyfriend types of pictures. Other things were letters friends have written to me in the past, drawings from my childhood, cards people have given me, wedding invitations, and other stationary. My husband and I argued a lot about this category of possessions. He wanted to get rid of all of his childhood memories like report cards and trophies, along with all of my stuff. I was hell-bent on keeping them. But then he told me something very valuable. The letters I was holding on to are conversations I already had, I cannot have them again and I cannot bring a person or event back…Why was I insisting on holding on to a conversation from 15 years ago? The pictures….thankfully he is not the jealous type, are only a reminder of where I was at that time. Why was I holding on to something that already happened? Shouldn’t I be creating new memories? He was right, as he always is. I gathered my courage and got rid of all that stuff I was holding on to. I felt like and emotional hoarder. Holding on to a feeling I felt or an event that happened was not going to bring the past back, I need to just move forward.

I sorted through everything, keeping only the things that were important and that I may one day share with my own children. Things like SOME achievement awards, ONE wedding invitation instead of 30, TWO of my favorite teddy bears instead of 50, and a FEW of my husband’s trophies from his little league days. I was heartbroken, but deep down inside I knew I had to part from these things one day. It was not healthy to hold on to EVERYTHING, as if time never should had passed. It was difficult, but I knew I had to do it for my sanity and for much-needed space.

Perhaps I did not wat to let go of the good times I spent growing up with my grandmother, or a feeling of happiness I may have felt while a picture was being taken. However, I know that in order to move forward and start fresh, I needed to get rid of the past, physically and emotionally.

I must admit, it was very difficult to get rid of some of these things, a lot harder than I thought. I normally do not have a problem cleaning my closet, shoes or other things. This one category of stuff…. was tough. Maybe it was because many of the past feelings and resentments resurfaced this holiday season? Or maybe it was because 2011 was a very difficult year for us and this was the icing on the cake? I am not sure. But, I did not know I would feel this devastated and relieved at the same time.

See you next week from our new place!!!

Happy Reading!!!! 

1 Comment »