Opal Siren

My life in dreams

Reaching out for the good in life

Last night I had a horrific nightmare. (PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE PRONE TO SCARE EASILY)

I woke up in the middle of the night, sweaty and scared to death! I could not catch my breath, and the horror of what I just had seen would not go away from my mind.

I woke up my husband and began to sob like a child. There was nothing that could comfort me and to be honest I am still freaked out by this dream. I was so tempted to call my mother in AZ, but due to the time difference it would had worried her.

I dreamed that I was in very dark room in what appeared to be a castle. The room was cold and I could barely see right in front of me. I kept seeing ghosts walking in front of me but could not tell who they were or what they wanted.  It seemed that they were just walking without any purpose and it was a tactic by an evil presence to scare me.

I saw one of my younger brothers (who is 15-years-old and is also a twin) laying in a bed in a horrific state…He was possessed by a demon. Worst of all he kept taunting me and looking straight at me as to antagonize me. His teeth were pointy and his face kept changing to that of a monster. I felt the presence of something very evil around me and I felt lonely and scared. I kept looking around for help but there was no one I could reach out to. I truly felt like the presence of God was no were to be found. I kept praying over and over for protection. But the more I prayed the sadder and scarier I felt.  It was not until I yelled in my dream: “In the name of Jesus Christ, whatever is not supposed to be here must leave and leave me in peace”, that I woke up scared, vulnerable and shaken.

My husband tried to comfort me, but I was shaking uncontrollably. I tried to go about my day the best I could, but the memory of this dream keeps coming back and each time it scares me even more. I  never again want to feel like the presence of God is nowhere to be found and coldness and loneliness prevails.

I normally try to rationalize what the dream means or what I am going through in my life that would trigger such a dream. This time I just prayed. Maybe there are things we are not supposed to know and this is a serious warning. I don’t know and I don’t want to know. I just want the peace and clarity that prayer and the presence of good brings into my life.

The meaning of this dream is not relevant. Things will happen as they should and sometimes there is nothing we can do to prevent it. All I can do is surrender to God and let him take charge. I never again want to be without his love, his presence, his mercy and his comfort.  I know for sure there is evil in this world and there is also good in the world. We must reach out for the good in any manner or belief that we may have. We cannot let ourselves be so ignorant of this and leave opportunities for negativity, anxiety, jealousy, envy or plain ugly to invade our lives. Sometimes we must surrender and look for the good in ourselves, but most of all in others.

Happy Reading!!!!

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My Crusade

I have not posted in a while about my dreams. Maybe it is because they have been extremely ilogical.  I am finally convinced that I may be having seizures when I sleep, which is why these dreams are happening…If right now your asking yourself what the hell is she talking about now? Is she serious?

The answer is yes!…..I am not joking and these random things do come out of my brain.

Last night, as I was sitting in my room watching a Steven Hawking special on cable TV, I started to think about a dream I had recently. I also thought about something that happened to me when I was a child. All of this made me contemplate that I kind of have an obsession on questioning religion, and its been an internal struggle of mine since I was born. I have spent years searching for the “right” religion, and feeling like I am not a very good person because I do not attend church on Sundays.

It all started when I was about ten-years-old. I was a devout sunday school attendee and I was a reader in our local church. I attended church almost every Sunday. I prayed every nigh before bed. I even made my own altar/church at home, out of boredom. I was a child, so I did not know at the time that sermons were only given by male priests. I attended an all  girls catholic school and I wanted to be a nun. Then, the day of my holy communion arrived. My grandmother was happy and proud that I had achieved this religious milestone. But, I really was too young to understand what it was that I was accepting and vowing to do. I just followed and did what everyone else was telling me to learn.  I thought it would be simple to just donate to the poor, attend church and read the bible. As I was walking in a line to take the host, my candle broke in half. I was devastated, thinking I did something wrong or that maybe I was not worthy. I was only ten! Plus I did not understand why I was taking the host.  “Am I eating God, I thought?”.

Little that I know, that the broken candle was a symbol that would hunt me for the rest of my life. Maybe it was all the years of me witnessing nuns act very unholy to some of the girls in my school, that made me get off the religious wagon and simply stopped believing partially. I kept debating and searching for the “truth“, and thinking “could this be real? Is God really out there?”

Later on, as I no longer attended church, did not read the bible and simply did not see the point, I attended a Born Again Christian church, a Catholic Church, a Baptist Church and even a Jehovah’s Witness church. Not one of them convinced me that they were the “right” religion, and that I should embark in this bible reading crusade again.

Which brings me to the creepy dream I had not long ago. I was in a strange forest-like place. It was the middle of the night and I was being interrogated about my belief in God or not. I denied my belief and was ordered to go into a bus. Not me nor the other people who were standing there, knew where we were going. Then I thought, in this dream, “Is this the bus to Hell because I denied Christ in my interrogation?” Well, I woke up upset and worried from that dream. I felt like that kid that stole a cookie from the cookie jar and knew he or she was going to get punished for it.

My internal struggle came to a peak last night, when Steven Hawkin said that it is his scientific opinion that God does not exist. Out of the numerous reasons, he mentioned the fact that the Big Bang occurred spontaneously out of nothing, and that basically all the positive energy and all the negative energy (black matter) that exists in the universe equals to zero. Therefore, there is no room for a God. I was in shock. Could it be that there is no God?

But, what about all the paranormal and weird things that happen out there, which violate all natural laws and explanations? What happens to them?

What internal energy could have caused the Big Bag? I already do not believe in creation. I do see evolution in everyday things. But what about the very existence that something was made out of nothing? Even though numbers do not lie, and all the positive energy and black matter in the universe equal zero…what about numbers that are less than zero? Maybe it just took a fraction of  “divine” energy to get things started. If black holes represent black matter where time does not exist, what made time and the black hole exist in the first place?

There are many theories out there, but not everything is Black and White. So to say “there is no God”, is too strong of a statement for me. I rather think thus far there is no evidence, but all theories are just theories until proven.

Until then, my internal battle will continue….

Happy Reading!!!

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15 before 30

Ok. So we are at 15 days before 30. I also started a grueling semester at school. Not to mention that my weird dreams are getting weirder by the minute. I have to admit, I am more peaceful now with the idea that I will not be in my 20’s any longer. Actually, I feel a little liberated. No more having to do things just to please people. No more trying to impress my parents. No more senseless jobs, just to discover if I am good at something or not. I now get to focus on a path. Possibly start new ventures and actually be a serious adult. It does feel strange that now I am in the position my mother was in a few years ago, and now she is in the position my grandmother was in a few year ago as well. So funny how the wheel turns.

But enough about me. I know you want to know what my crazy dream was about.

Well, I was dead. Yeap!  In my dream I had just died. I went to a strange place. It looked like an office building with many glass windows. I saw a lot of people there. They were all wearing white. I saw a tall gentleman come towards me, and I asked him where I was. He replied: “Where do you think you are?” I hate a question being answered with a question. I defeats the purpose of why I asked the question in the first place. Then I wondered…Well if I am dead and these are angel people, then where is God?  I saw a man coming out of what looked like a conference room. He had a white shirt and tie on. I said to myself “Is that God?” The gentleman then said, you will hear God at any time and through any medium. He could be God and he can also not be God. Then, I saw another man running towards the building with several other people. The gentleman grabbed me and we started to run. He told me that we were at war with the Devil. As I looked behind me, I saw the man with a very scary red face. But, he did have good taste in clothes. He was wearing suit. The gentleman and I kept running as others were being destroyed. I could not understand why they were being destroyed…Weren’t they celestial beings, or perhaps dead already? Why would God allow them to invade and chace us in the first place? I was confused and disoriented., until we ran into a very dark area of the building. I could not see anything in front of me or behind me. I was scared. Then…I woke up.

Not sure if this dream is about my anxieties or feelings about getting older. Perhaps the battle of the old me and new me. Perhaps that almost all things end. What is even more interesting, is that I started to read my old diary a few days ago. One of the entries stated that I had gone to a psychic years ago, and she told me that my soul was not attached to my body. WHAT!!! Someone told me this, and I just wrote it down and paid no attention to it. Could it be that my soul does wonder at night and travels to places it should not be?

I think I like my Ancient Aliens theory and Aliens are the ones messing with my brain 🙂

As always comments are welcome.

Happy Reading!!!

**Image obtained at: http://kannardfamilyonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/dualism.jpg

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