Opal Siren

My life in dreams

When you are in your thirties and childless….

on March 16, 2014

My husband and I are used to the old questions “Do you guys have any children?” “When are you going to have any children?” “Why are you waiting?”

I mean, I can tell you that we have been married for six years as of 3-14-14, and we have heard these questions thousands of times. We would be millionaires if we collected a dollar each of the times the subject has come up.

It seems that the questions have gotten even more intense at work and even more frequent now that we are in our thirties. Every day I get grilled and told: “You need to have a baby, soon!”

My husband is turning 30 this year and the thought has come about a few times. We do want to add children to our family, but the truth is we are happy the way we are. We have been married a while, but during that time he has been deployed several times and he was 23 when we got married…23!!!  I was 26 when we got married but not more mature than he was, and I knew that. I did not want my husband’s Navy career to suffer by getting pregnant too early and without him being able to be present.

The other reason why we have waited sooo long to add to our family, is simply that we are a family period. We are not creating a family, we already are a family unit and are quite happy and satisfied. We both work, contribute to our home, have a wonderful dog that we tend to and do what we like each day. We feel happy and complete. We do not feel the need to”create a family”. We are each others best friends and partners. We would like to add to our family at some point because we want to, not because of a dire need to have a family. Also, it will happen when we both feel comfortable and when his career dictates.

I know it sounds awful that my husband’s career has to dictate our lives, and recently I had issues with this myself, but this is the reality we are both living in and I accept it. My husband is in the service, we both committed to this lifestyle and we both knew the consequences of being a military family. There are somethings he does not have a choice in and I have had to push back a lot of my own ambitions and dreams. That is what love and sacrifice is. When you truly love someone, sometimes there are things that you have to put aside or even push back. That is the biggest lesson I have learned in the past few months.

I will also say that I did not want my very young sailor husband to be a father, because I wanted him to have a fulfilling career. I wanted him to conquer his dreams. We were also not ready when we got married. Now we are ready but we are content and still not sure where the Navy is going to be moving us. I live in a military town and I see the tears in the children’s eyes when their fathers or mothers  have to leave on long deployments. I did not want to see those tears in my children’s eyes. That is why we are waiting as long as we can to have children. We will wait as close to his retirement as possible, if we have to, in order to avoid unnecessary stress and anguish on myself and our future offspring.

And so, although it is hard to see other couples with their children, we are often not invited to things because we do not have children, get strange looks because we are childless in our thirties, we know what is best for our family. All things happen when they are meant to happen 🙂

Happy Reading!!!!

 

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